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MS. NITPICKER'S CONTINUING HALL OF SHAME

Or, more silly mistakes spotted on the Web....
  1. Ms. Nitpicker seriously doubts the little boy in a recent piece of fan fiction was toe-headed. In her youth, she read many RIPLEY'S BELIEVE IT OR NOT books, and none of them had pictures of boys with big toes in place of their heads. The word you wanted was tow-headed. Similarly, people survive assaults intact, not "in tack," which sounds like a bondage issue involving bridles. Ms. Nitpicker supposes people who don't use condums are indeed being foolhearty, but condoms are more commonly used by those who aren't foolhardy enough to risk venereal disease.

  2. Jeanre thrusted her sword at Hercules.

  3. But he'd never once addressed her in such a manner, nor any of the others in their unusual click. (Is this a beatnik group that snaps their fingers a lot, or a more ordinary clique?)

  4. He winched a little from the pain in his head and arm.

  5. She clinged to his free hand and he could see tears on her face but she didn't say a word.

  6. She opened the door of it, and instantly could be heard the plaintiff wailing of a small infant. (Ms. Nitpicker isn't surprised that infants are small, but admits she didn't realize they were brought into courts to accuse criminals of dastardly deeds.)

  7. One building seemed to be the center of the fury, but it did not shutter at the raging storm. (Ms. Nitpicker wishes buildings were indeed automated enough to shut their own windows and shutters when it begins to rain, instead of shuddering in the wind.)

  8. It was a quarter passed three in the morning. (HINT: The correct word has a "t" in it.)

  9. Turning her head, she saw that Marissa had her arm wrapped tightly around her waste, and her face was burrowed into her armpit. (Even though Marissa is apparently perverse enough to like sniffing armpits--hers, or the other woman's, it really isn't clear--Ms. Nitpicker doubts that she had her arms around fecal matter.)

  10. She had just made it to the corner when a motorcycle reached her from behind and shot her twice in her back. (Ms. Nitpicker knew motorcycles were dangerous, but wasn't aware they were able to obtain gun licenses and were in the habit of shooting down pedestrians. Sometimes it seems that Ms. Nitpicker learns something new every day.)

  11. Blair sighed and tried to steal himself for what was next. (The amount of crime in fan fiction is amazing, isn't it? Could it be that Blair was trying to give himself a spine of steel, to withstand a scary event about to occur? Even the finest shoplifter would have trouble stealing herself, wouldn't you think?)

  12. Mitch got wailed on! (Someone was crying on his shoulder? But, no--the author meant "whaled on," as in hit hard and repeatedly.)

  13. Simon was holding his breath, along with Joel, Henri, Ryf and the others. (He held all those men? Ms. Nitpicker is impressed.)

  14. His interest was peaked. (It had tall sharp points? If the accent was on the last syllable, did his interest have a sickly complexion? Or was it piqued?)

  15. Looking around for Joe, he found him leaning over the sink, having just finished a long bout of wretching (Apparently Joe has just spent a lot time being a tormented individual, instead of retching up the contents of his stomach . . . .)

  16. "I believe you, pal. I knew Martinez and you ain't him," he said with a strange grovel sound to his voice. (Why was he begging? Or did he have a Lionel Standers voice, as if his throat were full of gravel?)

  17. "He's also said that it seams that Markham has a hard time with civilians."
    (Ms. Nitpicker assumes they don't have a close-knit relationship. At least, it seems that way from the spelling this writer used. Remember, your spell-checker only knows that it IS a word, not that it is the RIGHT word.)

  18. Finally she picked up her head. (Well, it's about time. Don't you hate people who litter your house with their heads and leave you to pick them up yourself?)

  19. Jim wasn't supposed to be back from his steak-out for another hour or so, but Blair couldn't shake the feeling that he wasn't alone. (Probably he got hungry on his stake-out and had to go out for that steak....)

  20. The relief was palatable. (No doubt relief would taste good if you could eat it--perhaps it was a Tums tablet, relieving Jim's upset stomach after his steak-out--but the usual word choice here would be palpable, something you could touch.)

  21. Yet he knew Blair missed not having a father. (He really wished he hadn't had a father? He missed the chance to not have one? No, Blair missed having a father....)

  22. They were worried about things like collage, their next date, mid-terms, a thousand other ordinary things. (Must have been art students. High school ones, since they clearly didn't attend college.)

  23. Suddenly, it was like a damn broke. (Don't you hate when that happens? At least hell and shit were unhurt.)

  24. He examined a disembowled man hanging from a tree before walking to the edge of the cliff. (They took away his bowl? The greedy scum! Oh, well, at least it wasn't his bowels. By the way, did he walk to the edge of the cliff, or was the disembowled man supposed to do that after hanging from a tree?)

  25. From far across town he heard the ringing chimes of the church bell begin to ring. Once... twice...(The ringing chimes ring? All we need to add is "One ringy-dingy...two ringy dingies....")

  26. A rather board sounding technician answered the call. (No doubt he also had a wooden expression....)

  27. He probably threw it in the furnace shoot. (They arm furnaces these days? We use furnace chutes in my town.)

  28. "No, Sentinel, you have to get away. You're a prize--a gift. Your souls burn so brightly I would covert them!" (On the plus side, the punctuation's fine and the writer spelled "you're" correctly. On the negative side, you don't sneak souls, you lust for or covet them.)

  29. "Connor, this man heads an organization who wants us all dead! Permanently! (Okay, to be fair, this actually makes sense in the HIGHLANDER universe, where you can come back like Lazarus from any death but beheading, but it makes Ms. Nitpicker giggle every time she reads it. It was a poor choice of words, truly, regardless of the universe.)

  30. There...a voice...Blair's voice... "Jim....help me...please...." weak and thready...
    Something's wrong!
    (No shit, Sherlock...Figured that out all by yourself, did you?)

  31. "There were...cigarette burns...and...and cuts...all over his body." She paused and continued reluctantly, "And two of his fingers have been...had been...cut off. I think...they tortured him."
    (You think? Maybe he was a clumsy smoker and he bit his fingernails way past the quick....)

  32. He saw Kage and his men take down villages to make way for his heroine smuggling ring. (Hard to get those heroines like Xena and Batgirl out of the country sometimes....)

  33. "Rich," Duncan said horsely, finally breaking the silence (Did he whinny, or just swish his tail?)

  34. Blair nodded, his eyes still closed, transpiration beading on his forehead.

  35. It was Blair's voice and he was rambling on about burial piers and fires. (If they put him on a pier over the water and then set fire to him, they will be dropped in the water when the pier collapses. It's more sensible for them to use a burial pyre.)

  36. "So, he's come back to get me for that, has he?" Methos smirked, trying to enlighten the mood. (It was a really dim, stupid mood and needed enlightening. Had it been a dark, depressing mood, it would need to be lightened, however.)

  37. He didn't have gloves on because of his wrist and no hat. (He didn't have gloves on because of no hat? He was such a gentleman that if he couldn't tip it, he wouldn't wear one?)

  38. The week voice of his guide sent a chill through him.(Must have been a week in December, then.)

  39. The poet watched Silas maul the girl with detached interest.(The brute! The least Silas could do is act interested while he's mauling her.)

  40. "Soup? Sandwich? Chile?" (Wow, a generous offer. Ms. Nitpicker's dates never offer HER an entire country.)

  41. Stooping down, he padded down Braxton's lifeless body searching for a weapon and was pleased when a small gun was located in Braxton's leg holster. (What's the matter? Braxton was too skinny and needed some duck feather stuffing under his clothes? Or was he being patted down?)

  42. I'd be a callus jerk if I felt anything less, Chief. (Those darn foot problems again....) (Very well, in case you're confused, the word is "callous.")

  43. At least she had the balls to face them, even if she did it while stabbing them in the back. (Ms. Nitpicker is having trouble envisioning this. She's stabbing them in the back while facing them? And she had a gender change, acquiring a scrotum? This sounds like a Stephen King horror scene.)

  44. A sneer was heard. (No, it wasn't. It was seen, perhaps, since it's a facial expression. And this is passive voice, which generally doesn't work well, anyway.)

  45. "Not bad. The bar is still making a prophet. I can still walk." (Ah, yes, Ms. Nitpicker has noticed the tendency of heavy drinkers to predict the future, particularly in sporting events.)

  46. Lee feigned apallment.

  47. The young man's fingers clutched at the arm around his throat, trying desperately to free himself and being choked for his effort (His fingers are being choked?)

  48. As he waited for Methos to respond, he waived to Joe to bring him a beer.

  49. Giles rushed to the antique armour and began to ransack it. 'It looks like my father's closet! Nothing but bloody tweed in here!' (Eccentric family, that, stuffing suits of armor with suits of tweed. Are you sure it wasn't a piece of furniture such as an armoire?)

  50. I know the wrap sheet, but I want to know why these things happened to you. (Ms. Nitpicker must point out that criminals acquire a "rap" sheet in America. They are not routinely bundled up in bits of bedding or wrapping paper.)

  51. He knew Blair's throat was still pretty soar, and the doctor had informed him that Blair would probably refuse all offers of food or drink for a few days. (His throat was flying? Did that leave it sore afterward?)(Cade Silver has pointed out that "I doubt there is any need for concern about this character's pain, considering that refusal of ALL offers of food or (especially) drink for a few DAYS will bring about death. Or perhaps the soaring will be done on angel wings?")

  52. Then the little shit had the gaul to lick his lips.... (Meanwhile, were the Englishman and the American shining his shoes and combing his hair? Sorry. Ms. Nitpicker couldn't resist. The correct word, of course, is gall.)

  53. All day it bounced around in his mind: the letter, Darrow's hair brained offer, Methos' student. (The March Hare hung about with the Mad Hatter because hares in England get a bit...silly...during the mating season, hence the term "hare-brained." Ms. Nitpicker doubts sincerely that hair has anything to do with the matter.)

  54. "Not too hard," the navel officer said absently. (One presumes he is either in charge of oranges or of belly button lint.)

  55. You have got a mouth that just won't quick. (Somehow this brings to mind the song "I want a lover with a slow hand...." )

  56. The walls were covered in pealing paper and moulding mildew. (The paper was loud, eh? Bells peal; wallpaper peels. Ms. Nitpicker assumes "moulding" is a British spelling; otherwise, it's a problem. Fledge, a UK reader, adds that "they probably meant 'mouldering'. Which is redundant, anyway, as what else would mildew do? It's like saying 'orange oranges'. Mildew is mould; therefore, it moulders.")

  57. Unfortunately, Giles didn't seem to be in any kind of mode to tolerate her lake of attention. (Lacking a swimsuit, Ms. Nitpicker isn't in the 'mode' for watery attention, either.)

  58. "They aren't human, Adam. They are not like you and me. It's not like killing a person," Shapiro stated, the nervous tick starting in his left eye. "They don't really feel it." (Is a hyperactive bug crawling around his retina? No, he has developed a tic, not a tick.)

  59. The killer's pension for Blake could be the only lead we really have. (He set up a retirement fund for the man? Or did he have a penchant for the poet William Blake, which makes more sense given that the killer in this tale murdered people who liked poetry?)

  60. The librarian's eyes arched, "I'm he. Do I know you?" (Not his eyebrows--his eyes. What a ghastly mental image this presents....)

  61. I must be in some sort of hallucianic dream! (Ms. Nitpicker can sympathize, having often felt like this when trapped in a badly proofread story.)

  62. But this," showing off the leather scourge, "you know doubt no what this is."

  63. They'll have to declare marshal law. (Sounds appropriate, don't you think?)

  64. Docter's report said that he was sure she just made such fast progress because she decided never to relay on someone again. (What does she have against relay races?)

  65. Davenger drug his eyes over to the green boys.

  66. They shared eyes, Giles wanting to rip the smile from his face. (Bit unhygienic, isn't it? Keep your eyes to yourself, boys!)

  67. Shear terror began to overwhelm him as Blair realized the helplessness of his situation. (With that lovely long curly hair, of course he's afraid of scissors.)

  68. The next 3 days Jenny had been in Giles bed regrouprating.

  69. Jim smiled at her. Barbara Jenkins had been Blair's day nurse since he had been brought in. Jim appreciated the special car she gave his partner. (How come Ms. Nitpicker's nurses never give her a car? She's a great patient! Not as sexy as Blair, but still, she deserves at least a motorcycle. . . .)

  70. As soon as Buffy's group entered the wherehouse, they were flanked by what had to have been a group of thirty.

  71. But nevertheless, the face struck a cord in the Sentinel. (Ms. Nitpicker was under the impression that Jim was WELL-HUNG, not WELL-STRUNG. . . .)[Also, "but" and "nevertheless" are virtually the same word. Pick one.]

  72. "I'm thirsty," he crooked.

  73. Jim's mind clouded and he trashed on the bed like a man possessed.

  74. He shot his eyes, trying not to think about his impending death. (Death is certainly impending, after he shot his eyes out! What did he expect?)

  75. As a result they were attacked before she noticed the vampires were there, and right at that moment the spell started working, causing Giles to lose his conciseness and fall to the ground.(Don't you hate it when he falls down and starts talking at length?)

  76. What he saw was an IV tube in his left arm, a thick, white bandage encircling his bicep....(No, he didn't. There's no such thing as a bicep. It's a biceps.)

  77. Gently he shook his guide's shoulder, who for the most part still appeared to be in a daze. (Ms. Nitpicker is curious: how DO you know that a shoulder is in a daze?)

  78. The statue baring vampire nodded at the other two and cautiously they made their way down the corridor to the door they had entered through. (Just can't leave those statues clothed, eh?)

  79. Methos visibly shrieked back at her words.

  80. "OH GOD!" he gasped, then turning away from the grizzly remains he promptly threw up in the bushes. (Ah, they hurt a poor bear, did they?)

  81. "Well at least you don't turn green and puck your guts out." Blair replied sullenly.(It must have been a rough hockey game, the sort that leaves one wanting to puke, don't you think?)

  82. A died blonde head cocked towards him and once again he was trapped in the icy blue gaze. (No doubt the FDA will be after them. Ms. Nitpicker feared hair dyes would turn out to be dangerous; everything she likes does.)

  83. Jim's arms went around Blair, holding on and making gentle cooing sounds of comfort. (His arms make cooing noises? Ms. Nitpicker will have nightmares tonight.)

  84. Alex's voice broke through the vision, banishing it to the nether hell from wince it came. (Are you wincing? Ms. Nitpicker is....)

  85. He soared above the pain, flew above the sorted, dirty perversions of other men who had stolen that freedom from him, had tried to make him a slave for their passions and their plots and schemes. (As a former Library Science minor, Ms. Nitpicker is pleased that at least those perversions were organized--alphabetically, no doubt.)

  86. His eyes lifted to Jim's ernest gaze. Is this a Jim Varney sort of gaze? An "Ernest T. Bass" gaze from the ANDY GRIFFITH SHOW? Or was it meant to be an "earnest" gaze, perhaps?

  87. The Watcher and Slayer drug the bodies into the shrubs and made their way through the cover of shadows. (Gave them an LSD high, did they?)

  88. It is another way that Lee could have purposed.

  89. RUSSERECTION OF THE INCREDIBLE HULK! (story title)

  90. The Wolf had one. [No, he's not bragging about his anatomy; Oz has just won the battle against the Werewolf within.]

  91. Your rein of terror is over and you can’t hurt any of us anymore. (So drop those reins and get off your high horse already!){You do know that the correct word is "reign," don't you?)

  92. The earlier parts of his journal, before pain showed its ugly face, reviled to her a side of him she had never before seen…

  93. She stumbled forward, rolled under their arms, got to her feet and spoon arund to face them.

  94. Where something easily removed.

  95. Angelus and Spike are there to wreck a little havoc. (It's "wreak," actually.)

  96. STORY SUMMARY (or "summery" as some sites put it): Giles looses Buffy and seeks redemption.

  97. STORY SUMMARY: Giles waits for Buffy while his conscience prays on him. (Don't you hate those consciences with religious obsessions?)

  98. Chaos greeted the retuned Champion, whose savage continence stuck fear into God fearing men… [Don't you hate those out-of-tune champions who really control their bladders?]

  99. She pulled back again and wiggled against him experimentally, heat rushing through her as she felt a tell-tail bulge. [Well, there may have been a little tail involved somewhere, but that bulge tells a tale, you see...]

  100. But soon, another man came up beside Ebo, a tall, white man, dressed in the cossack of a priest.[Must've been a Russian Orthodox priest....]

  101. She had thought about killing him herself in a suicide pack, but it would have been quick and painless. [These things should be done in the singular, don't you think?]

  102. Dark times had ruled the world, filling it with war and decease. [Well, yes, people do get deceased during wars....]

  103. The man didn't waist any time.

  104. She only noticed the sent of tobacco in idle minutes, not understanding how she hadn't before.

  105. Then,after having realized that Ralph might have had a point,Pam had placed the bowls filled with Jell-o pudding on the table,said,"I'll be right back.",and went to call their friend,agent Bill Maxwell at FBI headquarters.
    "FBI headquarters.Maxwell speaking.",answered Bill,after he had picked up the phone.
    "Bill,it's Pam.I've got a question to ask you.",said Pam,who was on the other end of the line."

  106. The kiss, at first, is gentile, but suddenly we reach the point in which neither of us can hold back our emotions. [So what's wrong with Jewish kisses?]

  107. She is careful about her emotions, dolling them out in teaspoons rather than bowels. (To dole is not to doll, and a bowl is not a bowel, although this does sound rather poetic, doesn't it?)

  108. Apparently I had struck a cord. (Why are you hitting rope instead of striking a musical chord?)

  109. Then her voice came out, sounding like a small high voice pitched chimpmonk. (It's about time the Catholic church allowed not only women but primates to become monks....)

  110. Santa Clause has a special surprise for the Slayer. [Unless the surprise is that he has changed his name in honor of partial sentences, that should be CLAUS, shouldn't it?]

  111. Giles looked at him still menacingly, although he was a little curious, as he'd seen the whole 'I know you' faint before. [Oooh, look out, that scary feint is going to make him pass out!]

  112. “It is a deluded Therogen derivative.” McCoy answered. [Ms. Nitpicker felt deluded and even loony, trying to decipher this, until she realized the potion was DILUTED, not mistaken.]

  113. Spike's car was still parked at the curb, so he couldn't have gone very far, Buffy deducted. (Don't you hate it when they do math?)

  114. "So you left her to claw her way out of her own grave," he said, re-alliterating the point, trying to get his own mind around the horror that Buffy had been through. Let Ms. Nitpicker reiterate: Just because two words sound alike doesn't mean they mean the same thing...)

  115. New Chapter is up.... its chalk full of sultry interagations, cryptic findings and some more violence. Guest staring... Angelus! (Those guests should leave the staring to the audience....)(And it's "chock," not "chalk." And add an apostrophe, and look up "interagations" in a dictionary, too, you bad writer, you.)

  116. "Sara sat back in udder shock." (Obviously, she was cowed by the experience.)

  117. "A cunning new demon lord has come to the Hellmouth, and there is nothing on him exept a proficy." (Alas, a truly cunning demon lord wouldn't get itself stuck in a story written by such a bad speller, now, would it?)

  118. "Good," Arthur cut him off. "Because I'm through with the manufacture of chemicals or anecdotes or vaccines. I *won't* do it." (No more jokes for dull old Arthur, eh?)

  119. The arrival of a doctor wearing surgical scrubs came around the corner. (The doctor didn't come around the corner, mind you, just the ARRIVAL of a doctor.)

  120. Blair began to feel the odd lightheadedness return again as the palatable anger in the room began to overwhelm him. [Yum.]

  121. Unaware that he cried out, the blows mercifully stopped. (Blows aren't usually all that sentient.)

  122. Digging his keys out of his pocket, they slipped from his fingers.

  123. Blair shivered. But continued forward, hands still scrapping at his face, his hair, and biting down hard on his bottom lip. (His hands have teeth? And it’s scrape, not scrap, so the word is “scraping.”)

  124. Spike twisted her head back, waited a few seconds for the blood to matriculate down her throat, then lowered her back to the cement. (Highly educated blood, isn’t it?)

  125. Giles, meanwhile, dragged himself up and turned to watch Angel launching Buffy through the only glass window that remained of the distraught building. (Poor stressed-out thing, does it need a Valium? Ms. Nitpicker does, after reading some of these tales....)

  126. This inferiorated Professor Cummings who had already snagged Blair to help him get things set up for a Peruvian art festival to be held within a week.

  127. The atmosphere is in the throws of a magnetic storm, which will probably continue for quite some time. (Although storms may throw things around, they do so in the throes of action.)

  128. But he has three more years to go before his penchant kicks in. I just hope he lives that long. (An addiction to your computer's spell-checker is a terrible thing. At least a dictionary knows the difference between PENSION and PENCHANT, even if you don't.)

  129. "About damn time," Kincaid growled, but Blair could tell the man was leased. (He rents himself out? Hourly, or weekly? No, the typist dropped a "p." PROOFREAD, PEOPLE! This particular story opened with an admission that it wasn't beta-read. Gee, who'd'a thunk it?)

  130. A friend had leant him the yacht. (Say what? Try " had lent" or even just "loaned.")

  131. But the tenants the council was founded on still hold true. (Not only that, the tenets of the tenants the council was founded on must hold true, too. You council tenants better watch your tenets!)

  132. Jim drove the truck completely unaware of the black limo and the green mustang that were trailing him, the two cars took turns following. He drove to the carpark and hurried up to his apartment. The green mustang checked the carpark out and left. (Yeah? What was the driver doing while the car checked out the parking lot? Oh, since Mustang wasn't capitalized, maybe it wasn't a specific make of car--maybe it was a green wild horse, and didn't have a driver?)

  133. There was no answer, and Cordelia felt her heart tremor slightly. (Does she have heartquakes and stomach volcanoes and lung tornadoes?)

  134. Story title: "Sick 'em, Ripper!" (It sickens Ms. Nitpicker to note that no one but she knows the difference between "sic" and "sick." Or perhaps the story actually does involve Ripper making people sick...?)

  135. STORY SUMMARY: ...contreversy on all plains of religion and history...

  136. The shows finally was garbage.

  137. STORY TITLE: Jelousy

  138. Finally Ethan had dispersed with the beatings.

  139. It finally donned on him.

  140. I have said my peace.

  141. For all intensive purposes, you are Buffy's sister, born and raised a Summers.

  142. And it was the tiny glass vile containing his DNA that was being buried today.

  143. What do you think about the Diplomatic core? (Isn't it reassuring to think that the core of the corps is diplomatic?)

  144. In an article of advice on writing fanfiction, I found a reference to "dissolutioned people." Don't you just hate it when you get dissolutioned?

  145. Despite it being just a dream, he tasted bile and other fowl things in his throat as if the dream had really occurred. (Don't be chicken--check a thesaurus or dictionary, guys!)

  146. With one look, Tim was sure, he'd broken the man's nose. (Gee, think what he could've done with his FISTS!)

  147. //Understand? Understand?// The duel haunted whispers demanded. (What duel was haunting them? Were the whispers into sword-play?)

  148. IF YOU HAVE NOT SEEN THE SEASON FANALY THEN DO NOT READ THIS STORY! (Ms. Nitpicker HAS seen the season finale, and she's STILL not going to read this story. Guess why.)

  149. Tony couldn’t bare leaving her.

  150. I mean your image mite be tarnished if you’re caught sneaking in with Tony Dinozzo. (You must have a serious inferiority complex if you reduce your image to the size of a tiny bug...)

  151. His raincoat was draped over his arm with his hat in hand as he walked down the stairs. (There's a horror movie for you--the raincoat that steals hats and has at least one hand...)

  152. Jim gave Carter a withering look that made the man flitch....

  153. "Yeah, defiantly safe."

  154. It's libel to cause all sorts of problems.

  155. "Oh yeah?" She quips. (A quip is "a clever, witty remark often prompted by the occasion." Exactly how clever and witty is "Oh, yeah?")(And the "She" shouldn't be capitalized, either.)

  156. The wand shown brightly and he crawled over to it.

  157. "Professor Tiberious, we have located a very strange signature in Africa" A young man asked as he saluted his soupier officer. (Spilled a bit of lunch on his uniform, did he?)

  158. Hermione was out of the shower in no time, with her clothes and all on her. She took two at a time down the stairs and grabbed the piece of toast that just exploded from the toaster, in the Kitchen.

  159. Voldemort raised his wand to issue the one curse, the one unforgivable curse that is so named because it cannot be forgiven. (Oh, so THAT'S why it's named the unforgivable curse....)

  160. Elizabeth took her close of and grabbed her board.

  161. “So unless ye tell me where this treasure of ye’rs be I might spare these throats.” (Excuse me. Traditionally, the villain threatens to KILL the hostages--threatening to let them live isn't generally very frightening.)

  162. His boat was a modern boat but kind of looked like an old school boat. It was clear for moving space, but instead of having the helm the same level as everything else, it was raised high above on a different level. Also the stearing/helm of the ship was of the old times. It was round and huge. Below the helm, holding it up in the air, was the kitchen. Below deck was a room for the crew and the captain’s corters. As I have described the ship to you, you can imagine now how big the ship is.

  163. They appeared to be arguing but at hearing a whiney from one of the horses I was following they looked over. (Don't you hate horses that complain instead of whinnying?)

  164. Jack Sparrow's rein of infamy has come to an end. (At least he appears to have been able to steer it while it lasted.)

  165. Yanking it open she pulled out all the constance to reveal a fake bottom. (This reminds Ms. Nitpicker of the old prank phone call made to tobacco stores, “Have you got Prince Albert in a can? You do? Well, let him out!”)

  166. “Coarse not,” Eric took on her defense. (Ms. Nitpicker is so glad that at least they’re refined when they disagree, aren’t you?)

  167. Then she heard it, the creek of the floor boards above her and she almost screamed. (Afraid of drowning, is she?)

  168. 'Yes. The book of instructions.' He reached in a small pouch that hung from the back of the belt and showed it to Ralph. 'I found it in the dessert many years ago.' (Not the desert, mind, the dessert after dinner. Ms. Nitpicker has found things in her fortune cookies, but....)

Try to control your stomach, but be advised that even as you read this, new stories are appearing on the Web (or Ms. Nitpicker is getting around to reading old ones), and the chances that they will contain a multitude of irritating errors are good, so visit this page again. You never know when one of YOUR mistakes may be highlighted here. . . .

OTHER NITS TO PICK

GENERALITIES
DIALOGUE
CHARACTER THOUGHTS
PUNCTUATION (NOT JUST IN DIALOGUE)
VOCABULARY
REDUNDANCY AND REPETITION
MS. NITPICKER'S CONTINUING HALL OF SHAME (Shame on you if you bother clicking here.)
THE CHEAT SHEET INDEX will provide character details and helpful links for some fandoms.
MS. NITPICKER'S FANFIC GLOSSARY

I want to laugh at President George W. Bush demonstrating his own shameful grammatical errors.

Let's review REASONS TO HATE THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE.

Fen aren't the only ones who make mistakes. Let's mock real BAD NEWSPAPER HEADLINES.

I want to double-check Ms. Nitpicker's stories and see how many errors I can throw in her face.

I think I need more guidance. Send me to HOLY MOTHER GRAMMATICA'S GUIDE TO GOOD WRITING. Maybe I should visit BAD FANFIC! NO BISCUIT!.

I feel I have learned all I need to learn, and want to take MS. NITPICKER'S FAN FICTION TEST--HOW WELL CAN YOU WRITE?

As I know everything there is know about fan fiction errors, I want to return to the home page for this strange person.

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