I have a bumper sticker that says, 'Don't honk if you can't read this.' Everywhere I drive, I leave confused people in my wake."--Craig Tanis (from Ruminations at topfive.com)

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Actually...I DO own the road!

Alcohol and calculus don't mix: don't drink & derive!

At least it's paid for!

Automobiles aren't the only thing recalled by their maker.

Car will explode upon impactů

CAUTION: Driver no longer gives a shit.

Cover me, I'm changing lanes.

Do I look like a hemorrhoid? Then get off my ass

DO NOT WASH--This vehicle is undergoing a scientific dirt test.

Don't drink and drive--if you hit a bump you spill your beer

Don't drive and derive. Alcohol and calculus don't mix.

Don't get any closer or I'll flick a booger on your windshield

Don't touch me...I'm not that kind of car.

Driver only carries $25 of ammunition

Faster than a speeding ticket!


Forget about World Peace...Visualize Using Your Turn Signal!

Get a new car for your spouse--it's a great trade.

Hang up and drive!

Hang up the phone and drive, yuppy scum!

I bet you'd drive a lot better with that cell phone up your butt

Honk if my kids fall out.

Honk if you love Cheeses

Honk if you love honking.

Honk if you love peace and quiet.

Honk if you've never seen an Uzi fired from a car window.

Horn broken--watch for finger.

Hug your kids at home--belt them in the car!

I brake for no apparent reason.

I Brake for Tailgaters

I don't drive fast, I fly low!

I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.

I might be slow but I'm ahead of you.

I swear, the fence just jumped out at me!

If a woman's place is in the home, WHY AM I ALWAYS IN THIS CAR?

If everything is coming your way, then you're in the wrong lane.

If God is your co-pilot--SWITCH SEATS!

If you can read this, I've lost my trailer.

If you can read this, you're TOO CLOSE!

If you don't like my driving, then GET OFF the sidewalk.

If you drink, don't park. Accidents cause people.

If you get any closer, I'll fart!

If you lived in your car, you'd be home by now.

Ignore this bumper sticker.

I'm not in heat, SO GET OFF MY TAIL!

In case of Rapture, CAN I HAVE YOUR CAR?

I've found Jesus... He's in my trunk.

I FOUND JESUS...he's in the truck of my car...you can see him for five dollars

Look out! I drive like you!

My other car is a broom.

My other car is a chair.

Never judge a girl by her bumper sticker.

Objects in mirror are dumber than they appear.

Pass with caution...I'm a Postal Worker.

Shift happens.

So many pedestrians, so little time

Stop reading this and watch where you're driving.


The Closer You Get, The Slower I Go.

The kids drive me crazy; I drive them everywhere.

There are two kinds of drivers: those who make dust & those who eat it..

This is not an abandoned vehicle

This truck has been in 15 accidents...and hasn't lost one yet.

This truck is constipated--it won't pass anything.


When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

Why am I the only person on earth that knows how to drive?

Women are born leaders. You're following one now.

Yield to the Princess.

You are driving too close--I can see your bald spot.

You are right where you belong--behind me.

You have to be really secure to be seen in this car.

Your tailgating intimidation is wasted on my cruise control.

Zero to 60 in 15 minutes!

Grow your own dope--plant a man.

Guns don't kill people--I do.

i souport publik edekasion.

I will fear no weevil

My son is an honor inmate at the county jail.

Rehab is for quitters.

Visualize...whirled peas